i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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