you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
