Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
