are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
