You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
