Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
