First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
