It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sponge bath it is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
