and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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