if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
