Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
