We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
