i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
