i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
