if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
