My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
