i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
