Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
