Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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