I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
