our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
