I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
