I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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