It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
