I bet he comes in French.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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