I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
