he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
