i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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