just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
