is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
