Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
