Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
