So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
