sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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