I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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