Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
