moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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