i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
