The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
