I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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