just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
