Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
