But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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