literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
