I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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