dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this just has baby written all over it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
