You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Fuck appropriateness.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
