its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just googled if crying burns calories
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
