he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
