My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
