Please don't use social media to get back at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
