she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
