We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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